


The Pain In Your Eyes

by cdreaiton



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Anal Sex, Depression, Heavy Angst, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Insecurity, Kidnapping, Love Confessions, M/M, Non-Consensual Oral Sex, Non-Graphic Violence, Oral Sex, Past Drug Use, Rape, Rape Recovery, Self-Loathing, Temporarily Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-19
Updated: 2016-12-16
Packaged: 2018-08-09 20:32:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7816174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cdreaiton/pseuds/cdreaiton
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Morgan and Reid have loved each other for awhile, but neither has the courage to tell the other.  Then the team is called in to help on a case involving the rape and murder of several local men.  When the unsub takes Reid as his latest victim, will Morgan be able to save him?  Will there be anything left of the man he loves to save?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Frustration

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing in this fandom. ^_^ This story is going to get kind of dark and depressing, and will be pretty graphic in some places. You have been warned.
> 
> I hope you enjoy!!

_”What love we’re given, we’ll have forever. What love we fail to give, will be lost for all eternity.” - Leo Buscaglia_

***

“Alright, my loves.” Penelope starts the meeting, pointing her remote at the screen and bringing up a slew of images. “Hoover, Alabama. Six men between the ages of twenty five and thirty have all gone missing, all a week apart. They all turned up exactly four days later on the doorsteps of churches all over the city. They had been strangled, their clothes were missing, and they were posed with their hands crossed over their chests.”

“Churches?” inquires Rossi, “Could this be some sort of religious vendetta?”

“The local PD don’t think so. All of the churches were of varying denominations and none of the churches has been used as a dumpsite more than once.” Hotch answers.

“The strangulation looks manual,” Emily comments, noticing the bruising around the victim’s necks, “How long had they been dead before they were found?”

“The local ME estimates no more than six hours.” Penelope answers, swallowing heavily.

“So the unsub doesn’t strangle his victims until right before he dumps them,” Morgan interjects, “But other than some bruising from restraints, there’s no sign of torture. What is the unsub doing with them for four days?”

Penelope can’t meet his gaze, horrified by what she knows is in the report. Hotch notices her hesitance and responds for her.

“All of the men had been sexually assaulted multiple times. And although the unsub left DNA behind, the local PD hasn’t been able to find a match.”

“If the unsub’s leaving DNA, that must mean he knows he can’t be identified that way. He doesn’t have a record,” concludes Emily, looking over the pictures on her tablet.

“This report says they found traces of Viagra in the victim’s systems,” adds Rossi, “So not only is he violating his victims, but he’s forcing them to participate, maybe even enjoy it.”

“Male rape victims are uncommon, though not unheard of. It's most likely that the unsub is a closeted homosexual who's angered by his own feelings and desires.” Reid contributes in his typical fast tone of voice.

“Well the unsub definitely has a type. Tall, caucasian, slight build… even if he doesn’t use a weapon, these guys wouldn’t be very difficult to take down,” Morgan comments, waving a hand at the images on the screen, “Maybe he lost his partner and now he’s trying to replace him?”

“Garcia, look at death records in the area from the last two months prior to the first murder and see if any of them fit with the victim’s descriptions,” Hotch orders, “The latest victim, Christopher Grayson, was found yesterday morning. If the unsub sticks to his timeline, he’ll be taking another victim in the next 48 hours. Wheels up in thirty.”

***

“The way in which the unsub’s posing the bodies shows that he feels remorse for what he’s done. And that fact that he’s leaving them in front of a church means that he probably wants them found right away.” Reid comments, glancing around the most recent disposal site.

“Putting them in front of such a prominent pillar of the community would definitely ensure that.” Morgan crouches down to examine the church steps. “It’s possible he’s punishing people who have similar desires as he does, and since he feels ashamed of those desires it angers him when others aren’t as ashamed as he is. Were any of the victims gay?”

“From the information Garcia was able to gather, it doesn’t appear as though any of them were. At least not openly. Michael Waller and Richard Allen both had girlfriends. But Hoover, in fact the entirety of Alabama and the surrounding states are a part of what’s referred to as the ‘Bible Belt,’ where the population is heavily Christian, and most sects, or denominations, of Christianity are very openly opposed to homosexuality. So even though they had girlfriends, it’s still entirely possible they only did so to keep their sexuality a secret.”

“Okay, I get the whole ‘keeping it a secret because of their beliefs’ thing, but if that’s the case, how would the unsub find out about it?” Morgan looks up from his observations as he asks.

“Garcia looked at their recent transaction history, and none of them visited any of the gay bars or hangout spots in the area. They all lived in different parts of town and didn’t frequent the same stores or coffee shops. And while all of them regularly attended religious services, only two of them went to the same church. And none of them were left at the churches they attended. I guess it’s possible that there’s some kind of online gay support community they were all a part of. I’ll call Garcia and have her check.”

While Reid pulls out his phone and hits the speed dial for the BAU’s resident technical expert, Morgan finishes looking over the dumpsite, making sure to keep Reid in his sights at all times. It had become a habit after the incident with Tobias Hankle. Any time he and Reid are paired together, he always makes sure to keep an eye on his young friend. He tells himself it’s just older-brother instinct, but deep down, he knows it’s something more. He just isn’t ready to confront his feelings yet. It’s a lame excuse, and he knows it, but he honestly isn’t sure how Spencer would react, and he can’t bear the thought of losing his best friend. When Reid hangs up the phone, Morgan turns to him.

“I don’t think there’s anything more we can learn here. Let’s head back to the station and tell Hotch what we found.”

Reid nods in agreement and the two agents head toward their car.

***

After spending the entire day tracking down dead end leads, listening to the victim’s parents and loved ones talk about how evil homosexuality is, (and even having one set of parents refuse to speak with them at the very mention that their son might have been gay,) and talking Garcia down from a moment of depressive panic when she couldn’t find any secret online gay support groups that the victims were a part of, or even any connection between the victims at all, Morgan is ready to turn in for the night and start fresh in the morning.

He knows the unsub is probably out stalking his next victim, but they have no idea how he is even finding them, let alone how to warn the community. What were they supposed to say? JJ had tried talking to the press that had surrounded the local police station, but she had barely opened her mouth when she had been rudely interrupted by a local preacher claiming the rapes and murders were God’s punishment against ‘those villainous homosexuals who pervert God’s will.’ It had been a stressful day, and by the end of it, the entire team was frazzled and frustrated. So Hotch had insisted they all get some sleep.

Morgan sighs as he unlocks the hotel room door, pushing it open and holding it for a moment to let Reid through. With all the budget cuts the department has been going through, they are doubling up on this trip.

“Sorry kid, looks like you’re stuck with me.” Morgan remarks as he sets his go-bag on one of the beds in their shared hotel room.

The younger man grimaces slightly as he sets his own go-bag at the foot of the other bed, which prompts a laugh from Morgan.

“Don’t be like that, pretty boy. I’m not that bad of a roommate.” Morgan ruffles Spencer’s hair fondly before setting his badge and gun on the bedside table.

“If you start snoring I’m going to throw a pillow at you.” Reid retorts, rolling his neck to dispel the pleasurable feeling of Morgan’s hand running through his hair, before pulling his files out of his bag and sitting down at the provided table to look through them. 

“Fair enough.” Morgan chuckles amiably.

Reid is only seated for a minute before a hand on his shoulder draws his attention away from the case.

“Hey, I’m gonna jump in the shower. I know you’re frustrated about this case, but you gotta get some sleep, Reid. You want to be fresh in the morning.” Morgan gently chastises his young friend.

“I will,” Reid replies, turning back to the files to escape the kindness in Morgan’s eyes, “As soon as you’re done, I’ll shower and head to bed.”

Morgan briefly squeezes Spencer’s shoulder before collecting the necessary items and heading into the bathroom. Once he hears the water running, Reid allows himself a moment, crossing his arms on the table and laying his head across them. The little touches, the pet names; Morgan’s friendship is going to be the death of him. Or at least of his willpower. He longs for those touches to mean more than the caring of an older brother. But it is a wish he knows can never be fulfilled.

_There are millions of people in the world I could have fallen in love with, and my heart chose the one man I can never have._

Hiding the way you feel about someone is never easy. Doing so when the object of that affection is a trained profiler, is even harder. At first, Spencer had hope that Morgan might feel the same way. Then the team had gone out to a bar one night after a case, and all those hopes had been dashed. Morgan had danced with seven different girls before Spencer could no longer handle seeing the truth displayed so obviously in front of him and excused himself for the evening. And when Garcia had playfully congratulated Morgan on his skills the next morning, it was all he could do to bury himself in a book and keep the tears from falling.

Just like the rest of them, Reid sometimes has nightmares. But more often, and with increasing frequency, his dreams are of Morgan. Dark skin moving against light, that silky baritone breaking through his mental barriers and unhinging him, piece by pleasurable piece. He’d woken hard and aching three times in the last week alone. And it terrifies him to share a room with Morgan because he might hear him as he dreams. Or worse, take the dream for a nightmare and try to comfort him.

Lost in thought, Spencer doesn’t hear the approaching footsteps until a hand on his shoulder jolts him out of his thoughts. He jumps at the contact, turning to find Morgan looking at him with concern. The sight takes his breath away. Morgan’s sleep pants sit low on his hips, and small beads of water run slowly down his bare chest. It takes every ounce of willpower he has to turn away before Morgan can see the desire in his eyes.

“You feeling alright, kid?” Morgan asks softly.

Reid nods and closes the files.

“I’m fine. Just tired.” He stands up and carefully moves around Morgan, careful not to brush against him, and keeping his face turned away.

“Okay,” responds Morgan, slight skepticism in his voice, “Shower’s all yours.”

“Thanks.” Placing his files back in his bag, Reid quickly gathers his things and retreats into the privacy of the bathroom, letting the coolness of the water ease the flush from his skin.

***

A lone man stands in the shadows outside the hotel where the FBI are staying. He hadn’t thought it possible. That his love would come back to him. But when he’d returned to the church to say goodbye to the one who hadn’t been his… there he was. Tall and thin, but filled with purpose and passion.

“Garrett,” he breathes, voice barely a whisper, “I found you. And I won’t let anyone tear us apart again. I’ll bring you home soon, my love. And we can finally have the life we always dreamed of.”

***

The next evening, the team still has barely half a profile, and the knowledge that another victim will be taken that day looms over them. They had found no recent deaths fitting the victim’s descriptions that could have been a trigger, no violent confrontations with a neighbor or protestor over beliefs… nothing. They had tried to track the Viagra, but without a better idea of the parameters, the list of men in the area with prescriptions had been far too long to be useful. The unsub hasn’t made any attempt to insert himself into the investigation, and although horrified by the situation, both the local police and the community seem more focused on the fact that the unsub is most likely gay, than on the murders. The frustration is palpable in the conference room the team has been provided.

Morgan watches Reid as the young genius stands in front of the evidence board, staring at the pictures and their current geographical profile, and typing out calculations with his fingers. It’s one of his most adorable habits, and Morgan smiles to himself as he watches. Then Reid’s fingers stop and his posture straightens. Morgan finds himself straightening too. Reid has something.

“We speculated that he holds the victims until he tires of them, or until his beliefs overcome his desires, and that the three days between when he murders one victim and takes another is the unsub feeling remorse before the desire to kill again becomes too strong, but what if the cooling off period isn’t a cooling off period at all? What if the entire timeline is part of the fantasy?” Reid turns and asks the collected team. When he gets a confused look in answer, he pulls out his phone and dials Penelope’s number, putting it on speaker and placing it on the table.

“I live to serve. Give it to me.” Garcia’s upbeat voice flows from the device.

“Garcia, go back through the death records, only this time, go back to a year before the first abduction occurred. Look for severe accidents where the person involved lived, only to die a few days later.”

“Faster than lightning mon cher…” The sound of furious typing is heard for a few moments before Garcia returns, “Right on the money as usual, boy wonder. Exactly one year to the day before the first victim went missing, Garrett Coleman was driving home from a local football game when his car was t-boned by a drunk driver who ran a red light. The drunk driver, Kyle Rainer, was DOA, but Garrett was in the ICU for four days before he died from the injuries.”

“Was he on life-support?” Reid asks. More typing sounds.

“Um… no. His parents refused life-support and signed a DNR.”

“When was the funeral?” Inquires Reid again.

There is a pause on the line as Garcia finds the answer.

“Three days later,” She supplies. Then her voice drops to a pained whisper, “Oh no… There’s a newspaper article about it. Garrett had a boyfriend who was denied admittance to his hospital room by the parents. They didn’t even allow him to attend the funeral.”

“That’s the fantasy,” Reid explains to the team, “He keeps them for four days as a substitute for the last days of his boyfriend’s life that he didn’t get to spend with him, and then spends the next three days grieving the loss.”

“Garcia, where is the boyfriend now?” Hotch asks harshly.

“His name is Daniel Carter, and… I’m sorry, sir. After Garrett’s death he just falls off the map. No credit card, no bank account, no known work or home address. He just… vanished.”

“Keep looking, Garcia.” Hotch’s voice is terse. ‘No’ is not an acceptable answer for the unit chief.

“I will, sir. I’ll hit you back when I find something. Garcia out.” Penelope responds before severing the connection.

“JJ,” Hotch turns to the blonde, “Organize a press conference. Get Carter’s picture to the media, but stress that he is dangerous and highly volatile, and that if anyone sees him, not to approach, but to call us instead.” When JJ nods and pulls out her phone, Hotch turns to the rest of the team. “Dave, you and I will find Carter’s family, see if they might know where he is, or who his friends might be. Prentiss, I want you and Morgan to go over the accident, see if there’s anything we’re missing, and see if any of the victims were involved in similar accidents, or have DUI’s on their records. The unsub might be also be choosing his victims as surrogates for the drunk driver that caused the accident. Reid, find out where Coleman is buried and work up a new geographical profile. If he’s reliving that trauma, he’ll probably want to be close to his boyfriend’s grave.”

Morgan stands and goes to the coffee pot in the break room while Emily talks to the local Chief of Police about obtaining the required files. He fills half a mug with sugar before pouring the coffee in. Once the brew is sickeningly sweet, he heads to Reid as unobtrusively as he can, slipping the mug into the younger man’s hand. Reid flashes him a brief smile of gratitude before taking a sip and turning back to the board in front of him. With an almost silent sigh filled with both longing and amusement, Morgan returns to the table and accepts the file when Emily hands it to him. The press arrives shortly, and JJ heads out to start her second press conference.

“This is Daniel Carter,” explains the FBI liaison, holding up the DMV photo Garcia had sent her, “He is wanted for questioning regarding the recent kidnappings and murders. If you see this man, please do not approach him, and call the authorities immediately. He is considered armed and very dangerous.”

The reporters erupt into questions and JJ fields them quickly and professionally, only giving as much, or as little information as necessary. Once she finishes with the conference, she returns to the team and to help them finish building the profile.

Just as Spencer is about to complete his new geographical profile, a disturbance across the room grabs his attention. The preacher who had interrupted JJ’s first press conference is back, and is arguing with one of the detectives.

“How dare you let them come in here and slander this community!” Yells the preacher, his pale complexion turning red in his anger. He glares across the room at the BAU team for a moment before stomping toward them.

Morgan calmly rises from the table to intercept him.

“Sir, I understand you’re upset, but I’m going to need to ask you to calm down. The FBI is only here to assist with…”

“You are responsible for this!” The preacher interrupts, pointed a wrinkled finger at Morgan. “You and all the rest of those heathens that have taken over our government! You allow the homosexual scourge to walk free, infesting our children with their vile perversions! You will all burn in hell for bringing this curse upon us!”

“Considering the local police waited until six people had been killed to contact us, the idea that we are responsible for what has happened is ludicrous at best,“ Reid snaps and moves to confront the hostile preacher, the frustration from the last two days combining with his own repressed desires and insecurities, “And with only 1.9% of congress identifying as non-religious, and 91.8% identifying as Christian, referring to the people involved in government as ‘heathens’ does nothing more than show your own ignorance,” he feels Morgan’s hand on his shoulder, but he shrugs it off, unable to stop his tirade of emotions, “The ‘homosexual scourge’ is ‘allowed’ to walk free because they have just as much right as you to live a peace and love filled life with the person they care about. And as for burning in hell, Revelations 21:8 says, _But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone._ Considering your fear of all homosexuals, and probably anyone who has different beliefs than you, and the fact that you just spouted not one, but two lies, if we are indeed going to hell, then we will see you there.”

Reid doesn’t even see the punch coming. One second he’s standing, angrily confronting the preacher who is blaming an entire group of people with natural desires for the heinous crimes of one man, and the next he’s lying on his back on the floor, the entire left side of his face stinging and burning. His head spins and stars dance in front of his eyes. He can hear several people yelling, but it sounds far away and he can’t make out the words. Then a shadow appears above him, and starts calling his name.

“Reid? You alright, kid?” Morgan asks, voice urgent and concerned, and yet… somehow gentle.

“I’m fine,” he says after a moment, blinking in an attempt to clear his vision.

“That preacher got you good. Here, let’s get you off the floor.”

Strong arms help him first into a sitting position, and then ease him to his feet. He leans against Morgan as he’s led to a chair, which he promptly collapses into, head throbbing with pain. Morgan crouches in front of him and lifts his chin, surveying the damage.

“You’ll have one hell of a black eye for awhile, kid. And there’s a small cut from whatever ring that guy was wearing, but it doesn’t look too bad,” Morgan lets go of Reid’s chin, dropping his hand to the younger man’s knee, and looking into his eyes, gaze hard, “You shouldn’t have antagonized him like that, Reid. You know how volatile some people can get when their beliefs are challenged.”

Spencer feels his entire body tense, and the anger flares up inside him again. Only this time, it has a new target. He slaps Morgan’s hand away from his knee and stands up so suddenly he knocks the chair over. Surprised, Morgan stands as well, and reaches his hand out for Reid’s shoulder, only to have it slapped away again. Morgan stares at Spencer in shock.

“Kid? What’s…?”

“Beliefs?” Spencer nearly shouts at Morgan, hands clenching at his sides as he glares daggers at his friend, “What sort of belief system views some people as less than human simply because of who they love?” When Morgan doesn’t answer, Reid’s mind supplies the answer for him. His voice drops to almost a whisper, “Do you agree with him, Morgan? Is that it? Do you think people who love someone of the same sex are a scourge that needs to be burned away?”

“Reid…” JJ breathes in disbelief.

“You know I don’t think that, Reid,” Morgan’s voice is soft and calm, as though he’s speaking to a frightened child, “Look, that preacher said some horrible things, and I know you’re angry, but you aren’t thinking straight right now. Why don’t we just sit down, get some ice for your eye, and calm down so we can focus on the case, alright?”

Spencer closes his eyes and turns his face away, letting his body relax a bit. He knows Morgan is right. The pain in his head is making him lash out. And considering the initial source of his anger, it’s really no surprise his mind chose Morgan to lash out at. After a moment, Reid nods and bends down to right his chair, not trusting himself to say anything. Emily hands him an ice pack as he sits, and the coolness dulls the ache in his head a bit.

Emily, JJ, and Morgan continue going through the files, trying to find some way to connect all the victims. They bounce around a couple of theories, but nothing seems to fit. After several minutes, Spencer stands again, though more slowly this time. He sets the ice pack on the table, and grabs his bag.

“I’m going to get some air,” Reid explains, heading for the door before the others can react or try and stop him.

JJ goes to stand and go after him, but Morgan puts a hand on her arm and shakes his head.

“Let him go. He needs to work through it on his own.”

JJ nods in understanding and returns her attention to the case. Morgan’s eyes follow Reid as he shoves open the front door and heads in the direction of their hotel. He doesn’t know what caused Reid’s abnormal outburst, and it worries him. But beneath that worry, a small glimmer of hope begins to steal through Morgan’s thoughts.

_Is it possible? Could I really have a chance with him?_


	2. Fear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING! Please read the tags. Bad things ahead.

As Reid walks in the fading light, his emotions bounce between anger and sorrow. He knows, logically, that Morgan has nothing against people who are gay, but when Morgan had put a hand on his knee and then _chastised_ him… he had nearly burst into tears. Slapping Morgan’s hand away and directing his anger at his friend had hurt Morgan, Reid had seen it in the other agent’s eyes. But if he hadn’t, he would have broken down crying like a small child. And that would have been even harder to explain than the unprecedented outburst. No matter how many times reality reminds him that Morgan is out of his reach, the pain in his heart never dulls.

He is so caught up in his thoughts, he doesn’t even notice that he’s reached their hotel. Though it doesn’t surprise him, as it’s only a twenty minute walk from the station. He knows he should get back and help his team on the case, but he’s still too emotional to think straight. And they need him to be at his best. Resolving to take a quick shower to compose himself and then return to the station, Reid heads up to his room.

When he enters, he sets his bag on the bed and heads to the bedside table. He turns on the lamp, and sets his gun next to the alarm clock. As he unbuttons his sweater vest, he notices Morgan’s go-bag. Most specifically, the clothes that are stuffed half-way inside. Laying his vest on his bed, Reid picks up the shirt Morgan had been wearing the day before. He knows he shouldn’t do it, it’s a terrible invasion of privacy, but he can’t resist raising the shirt to his face and taking a deep breath.

The smell is intoxicating. The clean, yet spicy scent of Morgan’s cologne mixes perfectly with the man’s own natural scent. Reid knows he should stop. There’s a high probability Morgan has followed him to the hotel to make sure he is okay, and that he could walk through the door any minute. But at that moment, Spencer finds he doesn’t care. He takes another deep breath.

“He can never make you happy, you know,” a strange voice comments from behind Spencer.

Reid freezes, his blood running cold. He doesn’t recognize the voice that spoke, but his genius brain has a pretty good idea of who it is. When Penelope had presented the case to them, it had worried Reid slightly how well he fit the unsub’s type. Without moving he glances toward his gun, sitting on the bedside table. But before he can move to get it, a hand slides along his arm to where he holds Morgan’s shirt in his hands. At the hand’s prompting, he lowers his hands and drops the shirt on the bed.

 _Survive_ , Reid’s brain screams at him, _play into his fantasy._

“I know,” Reid starts, somehow managing to keep his voice from shaking too much, “You’re the only one who can make me truly happy, Daniel.”

“Oh, Garrett,” Daniel breathes, wrapping his arms around Spencer’s waist, “I’ve missed you so much since they took you away from me after the accident.”

Reid can feel the butt of a gun pressing into the small of his back. Even if he manages to shake Daniel off of him, he’ll never reach his own gun in time. Desperate to survive, and praying that Morgan is on his way to check on him, Spencer reaches a hand back and lays it on Daniel’s hip.

“You will come with me, won’t you Rhett? I don’t want to hurt you, but I just can’t live without you anymore.” There is a hardness to Daniel’s voice that promises dire retribution if Reid tries to fight him.

“Of course I’ll come with you. I’ve missed you too, Daniel,” Spencer forces himself to rub his hand calmingly down Daniel’s thigh, “I’m so glad you found me. Now they won’t be able to keep us apart anymore.”

The arms around Reid’s waist tighten, and he feels Daniel lay his head on his shoulder. Reid takes deliberately slow breaths and closes his eyes for a moment to bring the panic that’s rising in his chest under control. After a few moments, he takes his hand from Daniel’s thigh and places it over the arms around him.

“Never again,” whispers Daniel before releasing his hold on Spencer, “I’ll never let them take you away again.”

Taking a deep, fortifying breath, Reid turns and faces his captor. Daniel inhales sharply when he sees the bruising on Reid’s face, and raises a hand, gently cupping the young genius’ cheek.

“Oh, love. Let’s get you home and clean you up. You look like you could use a nice, hot shower.” Daniel reaches down and takes Spencer’s hand in his own and starts for the door, pulling Reid behind him.

“I’d like that Daniel,” Reid says as calmly as he can, glancing at his messenger bag where he’d put his phone earlier. If he can convince Daniel to let him take the bag, Garcia will be able to track his phone and the team will find him faster. Even better if he can manage to make a phone call and alert them immediately, “But I need to grab my bag first. And I don’t want to just leave without telling anyone where I’m going. If they know I’m with you they won’t come looking for me. Then we won’t have to worry about someone trying to tear us apart again.”

Daniel pauses and turns to give Spencer a long look, searching for any sign of deceit or trickery. Apparently finding none, he squeezes Reid’s hand gently.

“You don’t need your bag, Garrett. I have everything you need ready for you at the house. But telling him why you’re gone is a good idea,” Daniel flips open Reid’s bag and pulls out a notebook and a pen and hands them to Reid, “Tell him you can’t be with him anymore. That you’ve finally been reunited with the only person who can make you happy, and he doesn’t need to come looking for you.”

Spencer accepts the paper and pen and quickly writes out a note to Morgan, composing it carefully, as Daniel is watching over his shoulder. His hand shakes slightly and tears come to his eyes as he writes words that imply an end to a relationship he’s always dreamed of having, but by the time he finishes, he has his emotions back under control. Leaving the note on the table where he’s certain Morgan will see it, Spencer allows Daniel to take his hand again and lead him out the door.

 _Derek, please,_ Reid prays silently, _please… hurry._

***

“Reid actually confronted him? Our Reid?” Rossi asks incredulously after Morgan finishes telling both him and Hotch about the incident with the preacher.

“Yeah, he did. Surprised me too,” Morgan shakes his head a little at the memory of Reid staring down the angry preacher, “Then he snapped at me after I looked his injury over and tried to calm him down.”

“Now that is a sight I would pay good money to see,” the Italian man comments, taking a seat at the conference table.

“Is Reid alright?” Inquires Hotch, before sitting down himself.

“Kid’s fine. His face is a bit bruised; He’ll have a shiner for the next few days, but it wasn’t anything serious,” Morgan responds, opening a file before leaning back in his chair, “He left about an hour ago to clear his head. He headed toward the hotel, so he’s probably taking a shower to cool off. He’ll be back as soon as his head is back in the game.”

Hotch nods at the information, and tells the team what he and Rossi were able to learn from Carter’s parents.

“Daniel’s family hasn’t seen him since Garrett died. They said that while Garrett was in the hospital, Carter was inconsolable. He was angry and punched holes in the walls multiple times. He and Garrett were both living at home, but the parents said they had been planning on getting a place together. But then Garrett died before they found one. Right after Garrett died, Daniel cashed out his trust fund, packed a few bags of clothes, and left. They assumed he’d gone to New Jersey to stay with a cousin.”

“But we called the cousin, and he hasn’t heard from Daniel either,” adds Rossi, voice tense with frustration at the lack of progress they’ve made on the case, “Has Garcia found anything yet?”

Morgan shakes his head.

“Not yet. I called her just after Reid left. She just about bit my head off when I asked how the search was going. It’s probably best to just let her do her thing until she finds something. I’ve had enough of people jumping down my throat today.”

Rossi chuckles softly, and both Emily and JJ crack a small smile.

“Did Reid finish the geographical profile before his… encounter?” Hotch asks.

“Almost,” the answer comes from Emily this time, “It shouldn’t take much longer to finish it.”

Hotch acknowledges her answer with another nod, pulls out his cell phone, and dials Reid’s number. When it goes to voicemail, he puts the phone back in his pocket, and turns to Morgan.

“Reid’s not answering. He might still be in the shower, or he might have laid down to rest his eyes and fell asleep. Will you run up to the hotel and check on him? If he’s feeling up to it, we could use him back on the case.”

With a nod, Morgan stands and heads for one of the SUV’s.

***

When he reaches the hotel, Morgan runs through what he’s going to do and say if Reid is still upset about what happened. If Spencer is calmer, Morgan will just apologize for being careless with his choice of words, and things will go back to normal. If he’s still upset… then it’s likely Morgan will get nothing but the cold shoulder treatment until Reid is calm enough to talk. With a sigh, Morgan slides the key card in the door and steps into the room.

The first thing he notices, is the absence of the sound of a shower. Taking a few more steps inside, Morgan sees Reid’s empty bed and his heart begins to beat faster. Reid’s bag is sitting open on the bed, a notebook and pen sitting next to it. The sweater vest he’d been wearing earlier lays half buried under the open bag. As long as Morgan’s known Spencer, the kid has never been anything but neat. He vaguely notices the shirt he’d stuffed in his bag last night crumbled in a ball next to the go-bag on his own bed. Then Morgan sees Reid’s gun on the bedside table, and his breathing becomes more shallow. He hurriedly goes to the bathroom, only to find it empty, with no trace of water in the shower.

Walking back over to the beds, Morgan pulls out his phone and dials Reid’s number, thinking he might have stepped out for a moment to get ice, or a drink from one of the vending machines. Seconds later, he hears Spencer’s phone ringing from the open bag on the bed. Worry tightens in Morgan’s chest as he slowly turns, surveying the rest of the room. There’s a piece of paper on the table, and Morgan feels his shoulder’s relax. The kid must have known Morgan would come by to check on him, and left a note to tell him where he was going. Picking up the note, Morgan starts to read Spencer’s messy scrawl. From the very first word, he feels his heart drop into his stomach, fear clawing at his chest.

_Derek,_

_I’m sorry to have to do this this way, but it can’t be helped. It’s been fun, but I just can’t be with you anymore. After waiting for so long, I’ve finally been reunited with the only man who can truly make me happy. And now that’s he’s here, he’s going to take me home with him, where I belong. I know this will be hard for you, but please, if you love me, don’t look for me. I’m happier now, and nothing you could say will change how I feel about Daniel. So please, let me go._

_Goodbye._

_Garrett Coleman_

For several long moments, Morgan stands there staring at the note and it’s contents, barely daring to breathe. The unsub has Spencer, that much is obvious. There is no sign of a struggle in the room, and even though the handwriting in the note is unmistakably Spencer’s, he had signed it using the name of the unsub’s departed boyfriend. That means the unsub had managed to sneak up on Reid when he’d been separated from his gun, and rather than put up a fight and risk angering Daniel, Reid had played into his fantasy. Morgan knows that Reid must have been very convincing if the unsub had allowed him to leave a note. Although, considering the contents of the note, it’s possible the unsub had forced him to write it, thinking the FBI would believe it and stop searching for him.

Morgan feels his body begin to shake with rage and fear as he sets the note back on the table, taking out his cell phone and immediately dialing Hotch’s number.

“Morgan. How is Reid?” The unit chief’s voice is tinged with concern.

“Hotch,” Morgan practically yells into the phone, his mind consumed by fear, the images of what had been done to the previous victims flashing before his eyes, “He’s gone. Reid’s gone. The unsub has him. He left a note, but… Oh God, Hotch, he’s gonna… what he did to all the others…”

“Morgan, calm down. We’ll find Reid,” there’s a pause on Hotch’s end as he quiets the rest of the team after this alarming statement, “Stay there. We’re coming to you.”

“Yeah… okay. Just hurry Hotch,” Morgan tries to calm his breathing, running a shaky hand over his head as he disconnects the call.

_I never should have let him leave alone. No matter how upset he was. If I had only followed him, checked up on him sooner…_

With a deep breath, Morgan stops himself from continuing along that line of thinking. He knows Reid prefers to be left alone when he’s upset. So it had made sense to let him take some time to cool his head. But knowing that it had been the right decision doesn’t assuage the guilt Morgan feels at not being there to protect Spencer. He reaches out a hand and touches the note Reid left behind.

Morgan knows Spencer had to write it how he did to play into the unsub’s fantasy, but seeing those words had wounded him in a way he hadn’t expected. And knowing what the unsub is doing to Reid… Morgan clenches his fist as the anger inside him rises again, followed quickly by regret, and then determination.

_I’ll find you Spencer. I promise. And when I do, I’m going to tell you exactly how I feel, and damn the consequences._

***

Spencer’s mind is in overdrive as Daniel drives, thinking of every possible way he can escape. The biggest problem is the gun Daniel still has tucked into his pants. Reid doubts Daniel would kill him out right, but if he gets shot in the leg, he won’t be able to make a second attempt. So he decides to wait until Daniel is separated from the gun. But that presents a different problem. Daniel himself. His captor is slightly shorter than him, but fit and well toned. Reid knows that in a hand to hand situation, he would lose. If he could just get to a phone… but he knows the likelihood of that happening is slim.

Daniel is delusional, and he truly believes that Spencer is his departed boyfriend. If something were to break that delusion… Reid squelches the thought before it can finish forming. Someone will go to the hotel soon and notice he’s gone, and the note will tell his team who took him. And he knows, from experience, that his team, his family, will stop at nothing to bring him home safe. As Daniel pulls into a driveway, Reid silently prays for them to hurry.

“Here we are. Home sweet home,” Daniel turns off the car and unfastens his seat belt, “I know you wanted to surprise me with it, but after the accident… well, I wanted to get it ready so you’d have somewhere to come home to.”

“It’s… it’s perfect Daniel.” Reid’s voice is shakier now, knowing the fate that awaits him inside.

Carter smiles and exits the truck, running over to the other side to open the door for Spencer. He takes Reid’s elbow and leads him to the front door, quickly unlocking it and gently pushing Reid inside. After locking the door behind them, Daniel puts his arm around Spencer’s waist.

“I picked up your medicine at the pharmacy this morning. It’s in the kitchen.”

Gentle pressure on his back urges Reid further into the house. Daniel releases him for a moment, grabbing a prescription bottle from the kitchen counter, and a glass of water. He takes a small blue pill from the bottle and hands it to Reid, along with the glass of water, smiling.

“Here you go,” When Reid hesitates, Daniel’s gentle voice turns harsh, “Take your medicine, Rhett. We need to reconnect as a couple, and we can’t do that if you don’t take your pill.”

Hands shaking, Spencer lets Daniel drop the pill into his palm, and takes the glass of water. He knows what it is, knows what it will do to him, what it will make him feel, and he desperately doesn’t want to take it. When Daniel places a hand on the gun hidden in his pants, Spencer’s mind screams at him to survive, and he puts the pill in his mouth, forcing himself to swallow it. He takes a long drink of water, and sets the glass on the counter. Carter smiles and drops his hand from his gun.

“That’s better. I know you hate having to take them, but you know they make things so much easier. Now, come on. Let’s get you cleaned up. The bathroom’s just through here, remember?” Daniel steers Reid down a hallway and into a bedroom at the rear of the house. Reid can see a bathroom through an adjoining door. “Go ahead and jump in the shower. I’ll lay out some clothes for you. Oh! And I got everything to make your favorite for dinner tonight,” He pulls Spencer close and kisses him softly on the lips, “I’m gonna take good care of you Rhett. No one will ever be able to hurt you again.”

Reid fights the urge to throw up as he tries to smile. Daniel releases him and shoos him toward the bathroom. Taking a deep breath, Spencer goes into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. With a glance, he discovers that the door has no lock; although even if it had, it wouldn’t have been difficult for Daniel to break the door down. Reid starts the water heating up and stares in the mirror for a moment.

The skin around his left eye is nearly black with bruising, and his posture is hunched and closed off. He stares at the image for a few moments, mind strangely empty. A small voice in the back of his head wants to explain that he’s in survival mode, mind and body on auto-pilot, attempting to lessen any damage, but the fact barely registers. Turning away from his own haunting reflection, Reid turns on the shower and proceeds to unbutton his shirt. Piece by piece, he slowly strips off his clothes, letting his mind focus on the mundaneness of taking a shower, instead of what’s waiting for him on the other side of the closed bathroom door.

He steps into the shower, closes the curtain, and lets the heated water wash over him. Closing his eyes, Reid tries to calm his heart, which has been racing ever since he was ambushed in the hotel room. He imagines Morgan ruffling his hair, telling him that everything will be alright. At the thought of Morgan, tears begin to fill Spencer’s eyes, and he wraps his arms around himself as small sobs shake his frame.

The sound of the door opening wrenches him from his thoughts, fear and panic rising once again. Daniel pulls the shower curtain back a bit and steps in behind Reid, looping an arm around Spencer’s waist and drawing him close. Spencer tries to think of impossible math equations, inane statistics, anything to keep from thinking about the naked, and obviously aroused, body pressed up behind him.

He closes his eyes again and bites his lip, the tears flowing down his cheeks as the fear threatens to overcome him. A hand runs down the flat of his stomach to his thigh, tracing unintelligible patterns in the soft skin. Gentle kisses are pressed into the back of his neck, trailing down to his shoulder.

“Relax. I’ve got you. I’m gonna make up feel so good you’ll forget about everything but the pleasure.” Daniel’s voice whispers in his ear.

Unable to maneuver much in the confines of the small tub, all Spencer can do is cry quietly while Daniel runs his hands all over his body, kissing along his back and neck. Carefully, Daniel maneuvers them around so that Spencer is facing him, back against the wall, his tears unnoticed in the spray of the shower. When Daniel kneels in front of him, Reid immediately knows what’s about to happen and tries to cover himself.

“No… please… I-i can’t… please…” Reid’s voice is strained and broken as he begs his captor not to continue.

“Shhh. It’s alright, Rhett. Your medicine will start working soon. Everything will be just fine.” Daniel rubs his hands calmingly up and down Reid’s thighs, before leaning forward and licking a stripe up the shaft of Reid’s limp cock.

Reid’s back arches at the intimate contact, his hips pressing against the wall, trying to get away from the assault. Daniel puts his hands on Reid’s hips, keeping him in place, before pulling Reid into his mouth and sucking softly on the head of his cock. Biting his lip to prevent himself from crying out, Spencer tries not to respond to the pleasurable sensations. But his body, unaware of the circumstances, begins to react anyway. Reid clenches his fists against the tile behind him as he feels himself start to harden in Daniel’s mouth.

The viagra coursing through his blood starts to take effect, and Reid stands there in shame as his body betrays him, his cock becoming painfully hard within a minute. Daniel hums around Reid, flicking his tongue softly along the underside of his shaft, and Reid has to consciously think to keep his hips from bucking into the pleasurable feeling. He can feel the pleasure building, faster than it ever has when he’s been alone in his room, and his breathing becomes shallower. The teasing ministrations continue, picking up speed to match with Reid’s breathing, Daniel’s head bobbing up and down on his cock. After only a few minutes, Reid can feel the tell-tale signs of orgasm starting. He bites into his lip even harder, but he is unable to stop a small cry from escaping as he releases into Carter’s mouth, feeling his captor swallow around him. The cry becomes a sob as Spencer’s knees give out from under him and he sinks to the floor of the tub, his entire body shaking from the ordeal. Daniel releases him as he falls, pulling Reid into his arms and rubbing circles on his back.

“Shhhh. Hush now. There’s no need for tears, Rhett. You did so good. I know the medicine makes things a little more intense sometimes, and we haven’t been together for a while, but you did good.” He reaches back and turns off the shower before grabbing a towel from the bar on the wall. “Let’s get you dried off before you catch a cold. Then I’ll make you some tea and get started on dinner while you rest, okay?”

Reid is pulled to his feet and wrapped in a large soft towel, hands rubbing along the towel to dry him quickly. He lets himself be lead from the tub, his mind empty and his eyes staring blankly at the floor. He stands unmoving in the middle of the bedroom as Daniel finishes drying him and helps him into a pair of boxers. While Daniel is digging in the room’s dresser for clothes of his own, Reid glances up and sees that the bedroom door is ajar. Without thinking, he bolts from the room, running through the hallway toward the front door.

He nearly makes it before stronger arms than his grab him from behind and he falls to the floor under Daniel’s weight. Carter yanks Reid to his feet and grabs him painfully by the arms, dragging him back to the bedroom. The springs in the mattress creak as Reid is thrown onto the bed, landing on his stomach, and he hears the sound of the door slamming shut behind him. Rising onto his elbows, Spencer turns and looks at his captor.

“Please… please… let me go… I’m not Garrett… my name is Spencer… I don’t… I don’t belong here… please… just let me go home… please…” Reid knows that by trying to escape he’s broken Daniel’s delusion, but the shame and the horror of what Carter had done to him in the shower are too much, and although Reid knows he needs to survive, his mind simply cannot bear to lie still while his captor violates him.

Reid sees the anger in Daniel’s eyes, but he doesn’t respond fast enough to dodge as Daniel slaps him in the face, knocking him back onto his stomach. When his arms are yanked roughly behind his back, Spencer cries out at the pain, trying to rip himself from Carter’s grasp. Smooth leather slides over his wrists, tightening painfully before Reid is flipped over onto his back, his restrained arms crushed underneath him.

“This _is_ your home you ungrateful little _whore_! I did everything, _all of this,_ just for you! And now you want to go back to that _bastard_ that stole you away from me?!” Daniel is screaming hysterically, slapping Reid’s face over and over again in anger. “You belong to me! You will _always_ belong to me!” Carter suddenly stops his assault, and rises from the bed, grabbing a small bottle from the drawer of the bedside table. When he returns, he turns Reid back onto his stomach, uses his bound arms to pull him to his knees, his face pressed into the blankets beneath him, ripping the boxers from Spencer’s body before forcing Reid’s legs apart with his knees. “And you are going to remember that if I have to pound it into you _all night long_!” 

With a quick flick of his thumb, Daniel pops the cap of the small bottle and coats his fingers with lube. Even knowing what is going to happen, Spencer still yells in pain when Daniel roughly thrusts a finger into him. Carter doesn’t give Reid any time to adjust before pumping in and out, and after only a few moments, he adds another finger. The burning pain in Reid’s ass intensifies as Daniel begins to scissors his fingers, stretching him out roughly. Reid continues to cry out in pain, tears streaming down his face, as a third finger is added.

“I wouldn’t have to hurt you if you hadn’t tried to run away from me, Garrett,” Daniel says accusatorially, removing his fingers so suddenly Reid gasps, “I wanted our first time back together to be sweet and loving, but then you had to go and ruin it! This is _your_ fault! You’re _making_ me hurt you! Well fine! I’ll make it hurt so bad you’ll never even _think_ of trying to leave me again!”

Then Daniel thrusts his cock into Reid’s barely stretched hole, and Spencer _screams_.

***

“What do you mean you can’t find anything?” Morgan demands angrily at his phone, which sits open on the conference room table.

“I mean, I’ve looked through the entirety of my plethora of databases, and Daniel Carter is completely off grid. If it wasn’t for the killing and the lack of a filed death certificate, I would think he was dead.”

Morgan slams his hand on the table in frustration, leaning against the wood for a moment to try and calm his anger. But it’s been nearly an hour since they discovered Reid was missing, and Morgan’s patience is practically nonexistent.

“This bastard has Spencer, and right now, at this very moment, is doing unspeakable things to him, and you’re telling me you can’t find _anything_?!” Morgan tries to keep his voice calm, but isn’t very successful, and ends up yelling at the phone. He knows Penelope is doing everything she can, but the longer it takes to find Carter, the more he’ll hurt Reid.

“I’m trying, Derek,” There are tears in Garcia’s voice as she defends herself against Morgan’s verbal assault, “I know what this guy is doing to Spence, and it tears my heart out to even think about it, but there isn’t anything here. I’ve checked everything multiple times! Don’t you think I’d tell you if I found something?”

Feeling like a colossal ass, Morgan reaches for the phone, but JJ is faster, and glares daggers at Morgan as she moves the phone out of his reach.

“Penelope, try looking for the boyfriend. It’s possible that he or his family own property that Daniel might be using.”

Silence emanates from the phone as Garcia types furiously on her keyboard. When the team hear her gasp, they all turn toward the phone, hope in their eyes.

“Oh my God…” Garcia whispers, continuing to type, “You’re brilliant JJ. Garrett Coleman bought a small house just before he died. He paid in cash, but the deed was registered in his name. Let’s see… looks like after he died, it wasn’t listed as one of his assets. He must not have told his parents about it, so the property never got sold. And let me see here… yep. Utilities are listed under Garrett’s name, but the accounts are active and paid in full.”

“That’s gotta be him!” Morgan exclaims, pushing away from the table.

“Address, Garcia.” Hotch orders, the team following behind him as he heads toward the parking lot, not bothering to wait for SWAT.

“Already on your phones. Bring him back safe, my lovelies.” And with that, Garcia disconnects the call and JJ hands the phone back to Morgan.

Sirens blare through the still night air as the two black SUV’s weave through Hoover’s evening traffic toward their destination. As they near the address provided by Garcia, both vehicles silence their sirens and switch off their lights. If the unsub _is_ at the address, they don’t want him to grab Reid and run. Or worse, kill Reid and take off alone. There are lights on in the house as they pull in, and an older model truck in the driveway.

Without waiting for the order, Morgan draws his gun and heads for the front door, Hotch close on his heels. Rossi and Emily head around back, while JJ stays out front in case the unsub manages to make it past Morgan and Hotch and tries to get to his truck. Although, seeing the look in Morgan’s eyes, JJ doubts the unsub _could_ make it past Morgan.

The front door is locked when Morgan and Hotch reach it, but a locked door isn’t much of an obstacle for Morgan. He swiftly kicks it down and enters the house, eyes scanning for any sign of movement. The front room is dark, but there is a light shining from down the hallway, and Morgan moves toward it, trusting Hotch to watch his back. When he enters the kitchen, Carter is standing at the far counter with his back to Morgan, knife in hand, dicing various vegetables.

“FBI,” announces Morgan clearly, “Drop the knife and put your hands where I can see them.”

Daniel calmly turns and looks at Morgan, gripping the knife tighter in his hand.

“I knew you’d come, even though he left you a note telling you it was over.” Carter slowly begins to move around the counter, but Morgan doesn’t flinch, keeping his gun trained right between Daniel’s eyes. “But you can’t have him. Garrett is mine! I’m the only one who can make him happy! You mean _nothing_ to him!”

“I said drop the knife, Carter! It’s over!” Morgan itches to pull the trigger, and his eyes dare Carter to give him a reason.

The expression on Daniel’s face changes at this statement. The anger in his eyes turns to sadistic humor.

“No,” he says, smiling cruelly, “No matter what you do to me, it will never be over. His body will forever remember my touch. You’ll never be able to touch him again without his body reacting to the memory of my hands on his skin, the pleasure as I moved inside him. I claimed him! And you will _never_ be able to drive that memory from his mind!”

With a speed fueled by his delusional rage, Daniel leaps toward Morgan, knife aimed at the agent’s heart. But before he can make it more than a step, the sound of a gun shot cracks through the air, and Daniel Carter falls to the floor, unseeing eyes open wide, a pool of blood spreading beneath him. Morgan stares at the lifeless body in shock for a few moments, before looking up to see Rossi; eyes cold, hands steady, a small wisp of smoke rising from the barrel of his gun.

Jerking his head in the direction of the hallway behind him, Rossi moves forward to check that the unsub is dead. Morgan nods and holsters his weapon, heading for the closed door that has a dim light shining out from the crack near the floor. Steeling himself for whatever horror he might find, Morgan slowly opens the bedroom door, and nearly cries at what he sees.

Spencer is lying on the bed, halfway on his side, naked but for the belt that’s restraining his arms behind his back. His body is covered in bruises and angry red scratch marks. For a moment, terror rises in Morgan’s chest at how still Reid is, but then he sees the faint rise and fall of Spencer’s chest, and lets out a small sigh of relief. He hears someone come up behind him, and turns slightly to see Hotch, standing just outside visual range of the room.

“Is he…?” The unit chief starts to ask quietly, his shoulders drooping in relief when Morgan shakes his head.

“He’s alive,” Morgan whispers, voice husky with the pain of seeing the man he cares about so hurt, “But Hotch… we can’t let the team see him like this.”

Hotch nods softly in agreement before turning to usher everyone out of the house. Morgan turns back to the still figure lying on the bed, and walks toward him slowly. He has no idea just how badly Carter has hurt Reid, but he knows that if he moves too quickly, it might startle Reid, and send him into a panic attack.

“Kid? Spencer? It’s Morgan. Carter’s gone. You’re safe now.”

When he reaches the edge of the bed, Morgan gently reaches out a hand and places it on the belt binding Reid’s wrists. No response. He carefully removes the makeshift restraint and tosses it on the floor. Still no response. Morgan pulls a corner of the blanket over Reid, covering his lower half, before walking to the other side of the bed so he can see Reid’s face.

Spencer is staring at the wall in front of him, eyes unfocused and empty. He doesn’t even register when Morgan enters his line of sight. Morgan sits on the bed and softly brushes a lock of hair out of the young genius’ face. Reid blinks at the contact, but he continues to stare aimlessly into space. The sight nearly breaks Morgan’s heart.

“Oh, Spencer. I’m so sorry,” whispers Morgan, closing his eyes to keep his tears at bay, “The paramedics should be here soon, and then we’ll…”

Morgan freezes mid-sentence when Reid suddenly grabs his wrists and looks directly at him, eyes shining with fear and shame.

“No… don’t let them see… I can’t… Derek… please…” Reid’s voice is hoarse and broken as he pleads with his friend to help him.

“You’re hurt, Reid. You need to let them examine you, make sure that nothing’s broken or…” Morgan swallows heavily around the lump that suddenly forms in his throat, “Or torn. We have to make sure you’re okay…”

The grip on Morgan’s wrist tightens as Reid tries to stifle a sob.

“No… please. All the… everything’s superficial. He didn’t… he didn’t t-t-tear me. I h-hurt every… everywhere, but nothing’s broken. Please… Derek… don’t let them see… promise me…” Reid begs between sobs.

Morgan can only nod at the desperation in Reid’s voice, pulling more of the blanket around the younger man as he begins to shake.

“Okay. Okay, Spence. I promise,” When the vise-like grip on his arm loosens at his words, Morgan stands and finishes wrapping the blanket around Reid’s trembling frame. Once Reid is cocooned snugly, Morgan leans down and slides an arm underneath Reid’s knees and shoulders, “But only if you let me look you over back at the hotel.”

After a moment of hesitation, Reid nods, and Morgan lifts him into his arms, Reid’s head dropping onto his shoulder with a soft ‘thunk.’ Carefully, Morgan maneuvers through the deserted house, and heads directly for one of the SUV’s. Rossi sees him, and quickly opens one of the rear doors, keeping his eyes averted from the form in Morgan’s arms. Once Reid is situated in the back seat, Morgan squeezes his arm gently, and closes the door, stepping over to where the rest of the team is standing by the other vehicle, worry lining their faces.

“He’s refusing to let the paramedics look at him, and honestly… I don’t blame him. Having someone poke and prod at him like that…” Morgan’s fists clench at his sides, anger written clearly on his face, “He’s been through enough. He told me Carter didn’t… damage him. I have a first aid kit in my go-bag. I think, mentally, it would be best if we take him back to the hotel.”

The team collectively looks at Hotch, waiting for his response to Reid’s refusal of professional medical treatment. But Hotch only nods at Morgan’s statement.

“I think you’re right. If you’re sure he sustained no serious injuries…” Hotch pauses for a moment and Morgan answers the question with a nod, “Then I’m fine with you taking him back. But if you find anything serious, you need to convince him to go to a hospital.”

“I will.” Morgan promises.

After letting Emily and JJ give him brief hugs of encouragement and support, Morgan returns to the SUV. He glances in the back, smiling softly to himself when he finds Reid asleep. Starting the car, Morgan heads for the hotel. He knows from experience that the physical wounds are only the beginning. The mental and emotional scarring will take much longer to heal. Closing his eyes for a brief moment, Morgan makes a silent promise.

_I won’t desert you, Spencer. Even if you can’t accept the way I feel about you, I will never stop being your friend. I will stay by your side. You will never have to deal with this pain alone. I promise._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This story is in no way condoning rape or forced sexual activity of any kind. This is purely a work of fiction. And before anyone starts yelling at me about skipping over the 'best' part, have patience. I assure you I am not done torturing the precious baby yet. ^_^
> 
> As always, leave me a comment and let me know what you thought!


	3. Confession

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the wait!!! I was bitten by a venomous spider (brown recluse) and the meds I had to take made writing impossible. Thank you for being so patient! This chapter is kind of short, but the next one will hopefully make up for that. Enjoy!!

Reid lays in the back of the SUV, feigning sleep while Morgan drives to the hotel. His body aches everywhere, each small bump in the road causing him to wince as the bruises and cuts on his body flare up with pain. Each breath feels like fire in his lungs, but he forces himself to take deep breaths anyway. He needs the silence to get his mind, his emotions, under control. As soon as they reach the hotel, he knows Morgan will insist on looking him over, tending to his wounds. And he knows that the only way he’ll make it through that is to distance his mind from what’s happening… and what happened.

The side door near his feet opens, and Reid feels Morgan lift him into his strong arms. He can’t help the little shiver that runs through him at the touch, memories threatening to overwhelm him. The arms around him tighten a little, and Morgan’s voice is soft and calming as he whispers,

“Ssshhh. I’ve got you, kid. You’re safe now.”

Spencer wants to cry at the caring in Morgan’s voice, but he’s so exhausted no tears will come. So instead, he leans his head against Morgan’s chest, and keeps his eyes closed until Morgan sets him down gently on the bed in their hotel room.

“Okay, Reid. I’m gonna pull the blanket back now, alright? I need to treat your wounds.” Morgan asks, carefully pulling the covering away when he sees Spencer nod in response.

Reid stares at the ceiling as his body is uncovered, the numbness in his mind keeping him from panicking. Ever mindful of Spencer’s need for privacy, Morgan makes sure to keep a corner of the blanket covering Reid’s private area. Morgan grabs the small first aid kit from his go-bag and sets about the heart wrenching task of treating the numerous cuts and bruises on Spencer’s pale flesh. He tries to keep his face neutral, but despite his best efforts, a tear rolls down his cheek. He quickly wipes it away and focuses on ensuring that none of the wounds are serious, as Spencer had insisted.

During the entire treatment, Reid never reacts or seems to even notice what Morgan is doing. His breathing is shallow and a little fast, but Morgan assumes this is due to the drug in his system. Even hidden by the blanket, Morgan can tell Reid is aroused, though he never comments on it. For years he’d dreamed of running his hands along the younger man’s skin, feeling its softness under his fingers, but not like this. Never like this. He would sooner have never touched him at all, then do so under these kind of circumstances.

Morgan maneuvers the blanket around, keeping Reid covered even when he has to turn him over to look at his back. He cleans each cut and scrape methodically, checking each bruise for signs of further trauma. He knows he should check Reid’s behind, make sure there’s no damage, but he can’t bring himself to violate Spencer that way. Not after what he’s just gone through. He does uncover him briefly to tend to the cuts on his hips and backside, and notices there isn’t any visible blood. Although there are other fluids on his flesh that make the anger rise inside him and wish Rossi hadn’t shot the man so he could kill him himself. Slowly. Reid flinches a little at the touches to his more intimate areas, but Morgan stills him with soft words of comfort.

“Just a few more minutes and I’ll be done, I promise. I’m not gonna hurt you. I could never hurt you.” The last is barely more than a whisper, and Spencer isn’t even sure he heard it.

When he’s satisfied that Spencer has sustained no serious injury, and those he has are treated, Morgan covers Reid with the blanket and puts his kit away before grabbing some clothes from Reid’s go-bag. Setting the clothes on the bed, Morgan sits by Reid’s head and puts a hand on his shoulder.

“None of your… injuries were serious. I pulled some clothes out for you so you can take a shower, if you’d like.” He looks at Reid’s face, looking for any sign as to his mental state, but Spencer’s face remains blank, his eyes almost lifeless. He gently brushes a hand over Spencer’s cheek, “Hey, you’re safe now. Carter’s dead. I’m here for you, and I will _never_ let anyone hurt you again.”

Spencer meets his eyes briefly, a small spark of gratitude easing the lines from his face. But then the moment is gone, and Reid takes his clothes and rolls off the bed, away from Morgan, keeping the blanket clutched tightly around himself. Morgan stands and walks around the bed, placing a hand under his elbow to support him.

“Will you be okay on your own in there? Do you want me to…”

Reid jerks away from Morgan’s touch, spinning around and plastering himself to the wall, fear and panic in his eyes, his breathing fast and shallow. 

“NO! No. I can… I can do it myself. I’m fine.” Spencer’s voice is shaky and filled with repressed tears and terror.

Morgan raises his hands at his sides to show he means no harm, but worry surges in his heart.

“Okay, okay. I’ll be right out here if you need me.” Morgan keeps his voice soft, hoping to calm Reid down from the anxiety attack he appears to be on the verge of having.

Spencer takes a few deep breaths before nodding and disappearing into the bathroom, locking the door behind him. He knows that Morgan would never invade his privacy, but the sheer act of locking the door calms his mind, and he feels really, truly safe for the first time since he’d been taken. Not that he doesn’t feel safe with Morgan, he does. Morgan has been nothing but kind and gentle with him since they found him. But that doesn’t stop the memories from invading his mind, replacing his current reality with images of fear and shame.

He drops the blanket on the floor and steps into the shower, warm water heating his icy skin. Picking up the washcloth, he scrubs soap into his skin until it’s nearly raw, desperate to remove the memory of that man’s touch from his body. When his skin is red and burring, he collapses on the floor of the tub and pulls his knees to his chest, sobbing uncontrollably as all the emotions he’s been keeping inside come flooding out at once. He sits there, body shaking with the force of his tears until long after the water runs cold.

***

When he emerges from the bathroom, long hair dripping on his shirt, Morgan rises from where he’d been sitting on his bed and takes a single step toward him.

“How are you doing?” He asks softly.

Reid shrugs noncommittally and takes a seat on his own bed, wincing slightly as the pain in his rear reemerges. Morgan sighs and sits back down across from Spencer, hands clasped loosely between his knees.

“Kid, look. I know… I know you probably don’t want to talk about what happened, and that’s just fine. You don’t need to talk about anything until you’re ready. I just…” Morgan looks up and tries to meet Reid’s eyes, but the younger man is staring at the hotel blanket, picking at invisible threads. “I want you to know that I’m here for you. Whatever you need.”

“I know,” Reid replies, voice barely audible.

“Good,” Morgan sighs again, wishing he could just wish all of Spencer’s fears away, “Why don’t you get some sleep. I’ll be right here. Unless… would you rather I leave?”

Spencer looks up suddenly, the idea of being alone sending tendrils of terror through his heart.

“No… please stay…”

Hearing the cracking of Reid’s voice as he begs his friend not to leave nearly breaks Morgan’s heart. He nods emphatically, not trusting his words at the moment, then hands Reid a small white pill and a couple little brown ones, and a bottle of water.

“I promise, I won’t go anywhere. This is a sleeping pill and a couple of ibuprofen. Over the counter, generic. It’s just to counter act the drug he made you take so you can get some rest, and to help with the pain a little. You don’t have to take them if you don’t want to.”

Reid considers for a moment before taking the proffered medicine. Once he’s taken it, Morgan helps him pull down the covers and get situated in bed.

“I talked to Hotch. The team is going to stay behind another day, wrap things up before heading home. You and I are taking the jet back to DC first thing in the morning.”

Nodding, Reid slips under the covers, his back to Morgan. Within minutes, the exhaustion caused by the trauma of the last few hours catches up to him, and he falls into a fitful sleep.

***

Morgan wakes with a start when he feels a hand on his shoulder. He automatically reaches for his gun, but stops himself when he sees Reid sitting on the bed next to him. Worried, Morgan sits up and gently puts a hand on Spencer’s arm.

“Kid? What’s wrong? Did something happen?”

“No,” Reid shakes his head, gripping the blanket beneath him tightly in his fist, “Nothing happened, I just… Morgan… I need… I can’t…”

Morgan can hear the terror in Spencer’s voice and rubs his hand comfortingly along the kid’s arm.

“What is it Reid? What do you need? Name it.” He puts his hand over top Reid’s fist, which is clenched in the fabric so tightly his knuckles are a stark white in the darkness of the room.

“I need… Morgan… I can’t stay here any more. In this room. In this… place. I just… I want to go home. Please…”

Spencer loses control for a brief moment, and a small sob escapes his lips. Morgan pulls Reid close and wraps his arms around him, rubbing his back, noticing, not for the first time, just how slender and fragile Reid is.

“Ssshhh. Of course. We’ll leave right now. I’ll call Hotch and have him contact the airport. Let’s get you home.”

Spencer relaxes at Morgan’s words, relief filling him. He’d woken disoriented and afraid, and suddenly found he couldn’t bear to stay there one moment longer. Morgan quickly and efficiently packs up both his and Reid’s bags, and calls Hotch to arrange the jet. Hotch agrees immediately, and in a few minutes, Morgan and Reid head for the airport.

***

The flight is uneventful. Reid spends the entire time staring out the window, refusing to engage in conversation. Morgan keeps an eye on him, but doesn’t try to force him to talk. He knows that when Reid is ready, he’ll talk. And Morgan has no problem waiting. It took him years to even acknowledge that he’d been abused, let alone deal with or talk about it. He still tries to avoid thinking about it as much as possible. So he doesn’t blame Reid for pulling away and needing some space. He just hopes Reid won’t shut him out completely, and that he’ll let Morgan be there to support him.

As soon as they land, Morgan drives to Reid’s apartment. Once safely inside, Reid sets his bag on the couch and turns to Morgan and breaks the hours long silence.

“Thank you for bringing me home. I’m going to sleep for a while. You should go home and get some rest too.”

“I’m not goin’ anywhere, kid. I’m camping out on that couch until I’m _sure_ you’re okay. I’m not gonna leave you alone, Reid.”

Spencer hugs himself around the middle. He knows he shouldn’t be alone right now, but he also can’t stand being around Morgan. Not after what happened. But he knows that if he asks Morgan to leave, or asks him to call someone else, Morgan will want to know why. And Reid can’t even think about telling him. So he simply nods in acknowledgement.

“Okay.” He says, turning toward his bedroom, closing the door behind him.

Morgan stands staring at the closed door for several long moments. He promised himself that he’d tell Reid how he felt as soon as they got him back safe. But Reid is so withdrawn… he doesn’t know if he’ll ever find the right moment. Or if Reid will be open to his feelings after what happened. Sighing deeply, Morgan makes himself a bed on the couch, and settles in, keeping one ear open for any sounds of distress from Reid’s bedroom.

***

A scream wakes Morgan some time in the mid-morning. Morgan is instantly on his feet and in Reid’s bedroom before he can even think about what to do. Reid is lying in bed, screaming and flailing his arms in the air in front of him. Recognizing it as a nightmare, Morgan goes to Reid’s side and calls his name, trying to wake him. When it doesn’t work and Reid starts thrashing, Morgan worries Spencer will hurt himself, and grabs Reid’s shoulder, trying to shake him into consciousness.

Spencer’s eyes spring open and he launches himself at Morgan, fists pounding into his chest and arms. In an attempt to stop Reid from hurting either him or himself, Morgan grabs Reid and sinks to him knees, pulling the younger man close.

“Reid! Spencer! It’s me. It’s Morgan! I’m not gonna hurt you. You had a nightmare. Calm down. Calm down. Ssshhh. It’s just me, Reid. You’re safe. You’re alright now. Sssshhh…” Morgan keeps his voice as calm as he can, holding Reid firmly.

When Reid relaxes, Morgan breathes a small sigh of relief. Then he feels Reid’s arms close around his back and the body in his arms begins to shake. He pulls Spencer closer, and whispers calming words while Reid quietly, and completely, goes to pieces. They sit there on the floor of Reid’s bedroom for what seems like hours.

Holding Spencer in his arms this way causes Morgan’s body to react, despite the circumstances. He tries to will his erection away, and prays that Reid is too distracted to notice. But when Spencer stills suddenly, Morgan holds his breath, hoping Reid doesn’t panic and lash out. Slowly, Spencer pulls away and looks up into Morgan’s eyes. But there’s no fear or panic in them… just surprise.

Neither of them says a word for what seems like an eternity to Morgan. They simply sit there, staring at each other. Then Reid breaks the silence.

“Morgan are you…? Why…?” The confusion is obvious in the younger man’s voice.

For the briefest of moments, Morgan considers lying, passing it off as nothing more than a typical male reaction to having someone rubbing against him, however unintentional. Then he sees it. The smallest flicker of hope in Reid’s eyes. And he knows he has to tell Spencer the truth.

“I… Reid… this really isn’t the time or the place or the best situation to tell you this, but I… I love you. And not just as a little brother. More than that. So much more.”

The shock on Reid’s face is almost comical, and Morgan might have laughed had the situation not been so serious. The normally active gears in Reid’s head come to a halt as his brain tries to process this new and rather unbelievable information.

“You… what…?” The more he tries to believe it, the more Reid’s mind denies the possibility. “No… no you can’t… you… you like women… and I’m not… I’m not…” A horrible thought rears to life in Reid’s head and he backs away from Morgan. “You’re lying… you’re just trying to… to take advantage of me. You don’t… you _can’t_ love me…” Spencer stands suddenly and backs himself into a corner, tears starting to fall from his eyes.

“It’s not a lie, Reid!” Morgan stands, but doesn’t move toward Spencer, not wanting the younger man to feel trapped. “I’m not trying to take advantage of you. I _love_ you. I have for a long time. I just… I never realized how _much_ you mean to me. How stupid I’ve been for denying it all these years.” Morgan’s hands clench into fists at his side as he fights to keep his emotions under control. “I was an idiot not to tell you sooner, but… I didn’t know how you’d react and I couldn’t… I just couldn’t bear the thought of losing you as a friend.” A long minute of silence passes while Morgan waits desperately for an answer from Reid. “Please, kid… say something.”

Reid looks up from where he’s been staring at the floor, and meets Morgan’s gaze for a moment, before turning away.

“I… I want to be alone right now. Please… please leave.”

With those few simple words, Morgan’s heart shatters. His chest tightens and he can feel the pain threatening to overwhelm him. But he knows Reid’s mental state is compromised, that he’ll need some time to think about what Morgan said. So he relaxes his fists, and nods once.

“Okay. If that’s what you want, I’ll respect it. I’ll be right out here in the other room if you need anything.”

At Reid’s faint nod of acknowledgement, Morgan turns and goes into the living room, closing the door behind him. He sits on the couch and buries his face in his hands, desperately praying he hasn’t ruined the one friendship he can’t live without. In the bedroom, Reid sinks to the floor and pulls his knees close, wraps his arms around them, and cries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't think I'm going to gloss over Reid's recovery. I have no intention of doing that. I promise. The boys still have a seriously bumpy road to travel.
> 
> That being said, let me know what you thought! Comments are always happy. ^_^


	4. Coping

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your patience! I'm still recovering, so this chapter is also a little short, but I wanted to get something up. Hopefully I'll continue getting better and I can get more up soon.
> 
> Warning of a rape flash back!

Morgan sits in the living room for several hours. He tries to sleep, but his brain is far to active, thinking of ways to salvage his friendship with Reid. For a few minutes, he attempts to focus on one of the numerous books on Spencer’s shelves, but none of them hold his interest. When he can no longer occupy his mind and his own restlessness becomes too much, he does the only thing he can think of. He orders food.

Chinese take-out is a staple in his line of work, and is something the team orders often. So Morgan is familiar with Reid’s preferences. And not only is he hungry, having not eaten much of anything since they’d discovered Reid missing the evening before, but he hopes that the promise of food will bring Spencer out of his room long enough for the two of them to talk.

When the food arrives, Morgan lays everything out on the table, pulling out forks, plates and napkins. He takes two glasses from the cabinet and fills them with water, setting them on the table as well. Then he tentatively knocks on Reid’s bedroom door.

“Reid? Look… I know you probably still want to be left alone, but… I got us some food. You should eat, kid. You won’t do yourself any good starving yourself.” There’s no answer, and no sound from the other side of the door. “It’s gonna get cold.”

He waits for a bit longer before sighing in defeat and going to sit at the table. Grabbing a carton of food, he dishes himself a plate and starts eating. A few moments later, Reid emerges from the bedroom and quietly joins Morgan. They eat in silence. Reid is curled in on himself, trying to distance himself as much as possible from Morgan. When they’re finished with their food, they clean up quietly, and Reid heads back to his bedroom. Morgan moves and blocks his path.

“Reid. Talk to me. It doesn’t have to be about what happened, or what I said, but holing up in your room isn't going to help you. And I want to help you. Please.”

The silence in the apartment is nearly deafening, but Morgan stands his ground. And finally, his patience pays off.

“Okay.” Reid says simply, and skirts around Morgan into his bedroom.

Morgan smiles slightly, glad that at least some small amount of progress has been made, and that his earlier confession hadn’t destroyed his relationship with his best friend. He follows Reid into the bedroom, and his attention is instantly drawn to the bedside table, where a small vial sits next to a needle. Morgan closes his eyes for a moment and tries quell the pain in his heart at seeing the dulaudid. He can’t imagine how much emotion pain Reid must be in for him to feel that his addiction is the only solution.

“I didn’t use it,” Reid’s soft voice interrupts Morgan’s thoughts and he opens his eyes to look at the genius, “I wanted to. Everything is just so overwhelming right now. Sights, sounds, smells…” Spencer sits on the side of the bed and stares at the floor, “But I couldn’t do it. The drugs would let me escape, but… I don’t deserve that.”

At this last comment, Morgan wants to yell at Reid that he’s wrong, that the only thing he doesn’t deserve is the pain and trauma that murderous bastard in Alabama put him through. But he knows that isn’t what Reid needs right now. So instead, he kneels in front of Reid and puts a comforting hand on his knee.

“Reid, listen to me. I know you’re feeling overwhelmed right now, that’s completely natural given what you’ve been through. And the fact that you _didn’t_ use the drugs shows how strong you are, that he didn’t break you,” Morgan raises his hand and cups Reid’s cheek, lifting the younger man’s face to meet his eyes, “You’re a survivor, kid. I know it feels like the memory of what happened to you will haunt you forever, believe me, I know. But I also know you, and I know what you’re capable of. So believe me when I say this. _You can do this._ ” Morgan lets his hand drop, and takes Reid’s hands in his, “I won’t try to tell you it’ll be easy, because it won’t. But I’ll be right here with you every step of the way. I promise you that.”

Morgan gently squeezes Reid’s hands, then reaches up to brush away the tears on Spencer’s face before moving to sit next to him on the bed and wrapping an arm around his shoulders. Reid cries silently for a moment, leaning into Morgan’s embrace.

“You can’t love me,” Spencer whispers almost inaudibly after a few moments, the words causing Morgan to pull back a bit and look at him. But before he can say anything, Reid continues, “I’m not… after… Morgan I… you don’t understand, I… I… I enjoyed it.”

“Oh Reid… he drugged you. You can’t think…”

“I let him, Morgan. I didn’t even _try_. I just… I took it. I took the pill. All my training, all my abilities, and I just… froze. I let him… and I enjoyed it.”

“Reid, look at me. Look at me,” When Reid raises his face, the look on Morgan’s face is not one of anger or disgust, but of empathy and understanding, “When he handed you the pill to take, what were you thinking? What was going through your head?”

Reid takes a deep breath and closes his eyes for a moment, remembering.

“I was thinking that… that I had to survive. I knew that… that the team would figure out who took me, and that you’d find me. I wanted to… to palm the pill… hide it under my tongue… refuse to take it… something… but he had a gun, and I knew that… that if I didn’t react when he… when he touched me… that he’d know something was off and… and that would destroy the fantasy… so I took it… I didn’t even try… and then I broke the fantasy anyway when I tried to run after he… in the shower… I shouldn’t have done that… I knew that… and then he… he got mad… and if I had just done what he said… maybe he wouldn’t have…”

“Reid, Spencer, listen to me. Nothing that happened was your fault. _Nothing._ You did what you had to do to survive, and when an opportunity presented itself, you did exactly what any body else would do in that situation. You tried to escape. But that _does not_ make _anything_ that he did to you your fault, you hear?”

“But if I hadn’t… hadn’t tried to run… then he wouldn’t’ve… so you can’t love me… not anymore… I’m not… last week I would’ve given anything to hear you say you loved me… anything… but now… I can’t… I’m too dirty to love now… too weak, too stupid to deserve it…”

“No. No, Spence, you can’t think that…” Morgan’s voice cracks a little from the pain at hearing Reid’s words, and he wants more than anything to pull Spencer into his arms and hold him till the pain is gone.

“When… when I tried to run he… he caught me… and he got so _angry_ … and he just kept hitting me… over and over and over… and then he… he tied me up… and he… it hurt so much… and I tried… I tried to focus on the pain, but…”

***

The pain of being entered with so little preparation is excruciating. In the back of his mind, Reid remembers the torture he suffered at the hands of Tobias Hankle, and wishes he was back in that small cabin, because even that pain would be better than the agony of feeling like he’s being torn in half.

Daniel doesn’t give him any time to adjust to the intrusion, but starts thrusting slowly, pulling almost completely out before burying himself all the way to the hilt again. As he moves, he rakes his nails across Spencer’s back, leaving angry red welts in Reid’s flesh and causing him to arch his back and cry out. Carter reaches a hand under Spencer and grips his semi-hard cock in his hands, stroking it to full hardness in moments.

“Look at this. You play hard to get, but deep down, you know you want this. You love it when I touch you like this, when I use you like the little whore you are,” Daniel chuckles darkly as a small gasp of pleasure escapes Reid’s lips, “Try all you like, but you can’t deny what your body is feeling right now. You love this. You were born to be used like this,” Carter grabs a handful of Reid’s hair and yanks his head around, kissing him brutally, “You’re mine now. Even if you try to go back to that black bastard, he’ll never want to touch you again. You’re nothing but a dirty, used up whore. I saw you, you know. Teasing those cops, practically begging them to fuck your tight little hole. You just can’t get enough can you? Well if that’s what you want, I’ll give it to you.”

Reid’s head falls back to the bed when Daniel releases his hair, and tears of shame fall down his face as he feels his climax approaching. Carter takes his hand away from Reid’s cock, and begins to pound into him mercilessly. The constant stimulation to his prostate, combined with the drug in his system, pushes Reid over the edge, and he screams as he releases, painting the bedding beneath him white. His orgasm is so intense, Reid’s vision goes black for a moment. Then Daniel thrusts into him one last time, and he feels Carter’s own release inside him.

His mind is so overloaded, Reid simply collapses onto the bed when Daniel pulls out of him. He vaguely hears Carter say something about getting dinner started, but the words don’t register in his over taxed brain. There is a dull ache in his body, and he knows somewhere in the back of his mind that once his adrenaline levels subside he’ll be in a lot more pain, but he can’t seem to find the energy to care. And even though he wants nothing more than to curl into a ball and sob at the horror and shame of what’s happened, the tears won’t come. So he lays there, unmoving, staring blankly at the wall. When he hears the gunshot from the kitchen, he knows his team has found him, but no joy or relief wash over him. Instead, all he feels is… empty.

***

For several long moments, Morgan doesn’t know what to say. His mind reels as anger and sadness battle for dominance in his heart. But while his words fail him, his body takes action. He puts a hand behind Reid’s neck and pulls the younger man forward, pressing their foreheads together. They sit there for several minutes, no words, nothing more than breath passing between them. Then Morgan pulls away, and, keeping his hand on Reid’s neck, looks right into Spencer’s eyes. There is so much emotion in them, Reid wants to turn away, but he can’t.

“Reid, do you know what to do when an unsub points a gun at you?” Confused, Reid nods, but before he can remark on the odd question, Morgan continues, “Do you know what to say to a frightened victim?” Another nod. “What about a hostage situation? Or an unsub having a psychotic break? Do you know what to do in those situations?”

“Yes, Morgan. I know how to handle all those things. I’ve studied those scenarios, and been trained with how to deal with them. But what does that…?”

“Were you ever trained on how to handle being sexually assaulted?”

Reid opens his mouth to answer, and then promptly closes it again, realizing what Morgan is saying.

“Kid, when we’re in the field, we rely on our training to keep us alive. That training lets our bodies react faster than our minds can process what’s happening. If someone charges you, your gun is out of the holster and you’ve pulled the trigger before you even consciously notice the weapon in the other guy’s hand. When an unsub uses a hostage as a shield and holds a gun or a knife to them, you fall back on that training and use it to try and persuade the attacker to lower the weapon. But this… we’ve never been trained on what to do in this sort of scenario. So all you had to fall back on was your own survival instinct. And you did Reid. You survived. What that man did to you is unforgivable. And recovering from it won’t be easy or fast. But you listen to me. You are _not_ defined by what’s happened to you. You’re not even defined by the choices you make ‘in the moment.’ In a dangerous situation, no one has time to think, or weigh outcomes to make an informed decision. They only have time to act. It’s the conscious choices that define us. The actions we take, the words we say, the people we choose to have in our lives. _Those_ are the things that define us. Those are the things that make us who we are. And in the long run, those things are all that really matters. I love you Spencer Reid. All of you. The cuts and bruises, the headaches, the nightmares, the temptation of addiction, the long-winded rants about mathematics and statistics, the sweater vests, the crooked tie, the piles of books, the messy hair… everything. And _nothing_ will ever change that.”

It is a very rare occurrence for Spencer to be struck speechless, but at that moment, his genius brain and massive vocabulary fail him. So he does what Morgan said, and makes a conscious decision. He leans forward and very gently presses his lips to Derek’s. The kiss is brief, but when Reid leans back, there is a slight tingle left on both their lips. Reid wraps his arms around Morgan’s shoulders and whispers,

“I love you too. Thank you, Derek.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those interested, here is some information on how viagra works: https://www.drugs.com/viagra.html
> 
> Thanks again for reading! Let me know what you thought in the comments!


	5. Beginnings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the delay in posting this. I was sick for a long time, and then I just couldn't find the motivation to finish. But here it is! All complete. Thank you for sticking with me. I hope you enjoy it!

The next few days pass relatively quickly. Morgan fields the calls from their team about Spencer’s well-being, and although Reid still has nightmares nearly every night, he no longer locks himself in his room all day. They spend several days sitting around Spencer's apartment, either reading in semi-comfortable silence, or talking and generally getting to know one another.

It's an interesting experience for both of them. Spencer hasn't had what anyone would consider an actual relationship before, and Morgan's never had one with someone he truly cares about. They talk about anything and everything. Morgan listens with a smile while Spencer rambles about his days in school, how everyone was jealous of his brilliance, and how difficult that made making friends. Then Spencer takes his turn listening while Morgan talks about some of the more interesting cases he worked back when he was with the Chicago PD.

One day while they're talking, Spencer stops after a story and looks at Morgan thoughtfully. Morgan lets him stare, not pressing him for the reason. He can tell something is turning in Reid's big brain, but he's made a promise to himself to let things go as slowly as Spencer needs them to. There have been a few more gentle, almost platonic kisses since that night, but nothing further, and Morgan is content with the pace. He knows from experience that recovering from a trauma isn't something that happens overnight, and the last thing he wants to do is push Reid away by moving too quickly. His thoughts are interrupted suddenly when Spencer speaks.

"Is sex the goal?" he asks, the question startling Morgan with it's uncharacteristic bluntness.

"The goal of what?" Morgan responds with a question of his own, trying to get a little more information before he answers the bizarre inquiry.

"Of having a relationship with me. I've been reading several books on relationships and dealing with trauma, and most of the recommendations are to 'get back up on the horse,' and not let the trauma ruin your relationships. So, is that the goal? To get me back to the point of being able to have sex with you," Spencer clarifies, at a much slower pace than usual, as though he's choosing his words with care instead of letting his brain just go.

Morgan thinks about the question for a moment. It's an odd thing for Reid to ask, and it worries him a little. It almost feels as though he's asking if Morgan is only there for the sex, or to help Spencer heal from his trauma, and that then he plans to leave.

"The short answer is no," he starts, using just as much care with his word choice as Spencer, "Helping you recover from what happened is definitely something I want to help you accomplish, and having sex with you would be enjoyable, but neither of those things is why I want to have a relationship with you."

"Then why?"

Morgan sighs and rubs a hand over his head. Then he looks up and meets Spencer's eyes, passion and truth burning plainly in his dark eyes.

"Because I love you," Derek answers, "And I can't imagine a future that doesn't have you in it. Not a happy one at least. That's the goal. Happiness. For both of us. I think your recovery is a part of that, and I will be there for you to help you regardless of what happens, or doesn't happen between us. First and foremost, you're my friend, Spence. Nothing is going to change that. And I'm not the kind of guy who says sex is a requirement. Do I enjoy it? Yes. Do I want to have that sort of relationship with you? Yes. Will I leave if it doesn't happen? No. Never. Being with you is the important part, for me. Sex is just the whipped topping. Nice when it's there, but not necessary."

"Are you attracted to me because I need to be fixed?"

The question stabs Morgan in the heart, causing emotions to rise so quickly it takes him a minute to tamp them down and recover himself enough to be able to speak.

"No. Nothing about what happened in Alabama makes you more or less attractive. It doesn't have any bearing on how I feel about you. Spence..." he sighs and takes a deep breath, the eye contact he's maintaining causing Reid to feel slightly uncomfortable, "I've loved you for years. But I was afraid. Of how you'd react if I told you, of losing your friendship if you didn't feel the same, even of admitting my feelings to myself. But after you lost your temper at the preacher... I began to think that you might be open to the idea. I wasn't for the longest time. Kept trying to tell myself to see you as my younger brother. That it was safer that way. When Henkle took you, I promised myself that I would keep you safe. But when I saw that note in our hotel room, I realized that wasn't enough for me. I wanted the relationship that you faked ending. And I would feel the same way even if what happened hadn't happened. I hate that it did. l blame myself for not finding you soon enough," he holds up a hand to stop Spencer's protest at his revelation, "But it happened. And I'll say it again. You _are not_ damaged goods. Damaged, yes. But that damage is fixable, and I'm here for the long haul. I know that all you've seen of my relationships has been the one night stands you and the team think I take home after a night at the bar. But I didn't sleep with those women. I took them home, said good night, and went back to my own place. Alone. Because the only person I could think of was _you_."

Spencer stares at Morgan for several long moments as he finishes talking, letting the words sink in. He knows that Morgan is not the kind of person to lie to him, so he trusts the truth of the words. But the fear is still there, lingering like a bad after taste. Derek sees the hint of doubt in his eyes and closes his eyes for a brief moment before continuing.

"Someday, when you're doing better, I'll show you how much I love you."

"No," Spencer says quietly, a hint of steel in his gaze, "Not someday. I want you to show me now. I can't keep walking on eggshells around this. I want to... be with you."

"Spence... kid... I know that those books said to jump back in, but I'm not really sure that's the..." Morgan protests.

"If I start having problems, I'll let you know right away. But I can't... I feel him. I still feel his touch on my skin. I want it to be your touch I think of. Please."

For the briefest of moments, Derek wants to say no, to put a stop to the whole idea before Reid has a flashback that could set his recovery back days, if not months. But then he remembers how he used to lie awake a night as a kid, remembering Buford's hands on him. He smiles softly and nods.

"Alright. But we're taking it slow, no arguments."

Spencer nods his own agreement, and stands shakily, holding out his hand to Morgan. He takes the proffered hand, and stands, letting Reid lead him into the bedroom.

After closing the door, Morgan pulls Spencer in slowly, gently pressing their lips together. When he feels no negative response, he softly runs his hands down Reid's back, and runs his tongue along the seal of Spencer's lips. They open slightly, and Derek takes the invitation, deepening the kiss. Carefully, watching for the slightest hint of fear, Morgan reaches up his hands and begins unbuttoning Reid's shirt, which he'd put on sans the vest that morning. The kiss continues until the last button is undone, and Morgan slides his hands around Spencer's waist, pulling him close, deepening the kiss even further, making sure to let his love show through.

Feeling no hesitation in Spencer's response to him, and a distinct hardening in the length he feels pressed against his thigh, Morgan slips the shirt from Reid's thin shoulders, breaking the kiss for the brief moment necessary to shed his own shirt. Then he pulls Spencer close once again, reveling in the feel of their skin sliding against each other, and kisses him again.

Spencer is surprised at the gentleness of Morgan's kiss. He had expected passion, hunger, need. But this... this is different. It's still passionate, but the burn is slow like a warm fire on a cold winter night. And he can feel the hunger and the need in the hands that slowly roam over his bared chest and back, but it's not blind, like he'd thought it would be. It's driven, not by sheer need alone, but by a desire so deep it scares him a little. And he notices that the desire is fueled by his own reciprocation. Almost as though Morgan won't enjoy it if _he_ doesn't. And that thought alone gives Spencer the courage to run his own hands along the expanse of dark skin before him, skin he's longed to touch for what seems a life time.

Morgan carefully unbuttons Spencer's pants, pulling down the zipper and letting them fall to the floor, helping Reid step out of them. He breaks their kiss and quickly shimmies out of his own pants, and with a cautious hand, leads Spencer to the bed, laying him down on the thick blanket. He kneels next to him and runs a gentle hand down one arm, tracing the lines of Reid's palm.

"I love your hands," Derek says quietly, voice almost a whisper, "They're so expressive. Did you know I can tell what kind of mood you're in just by watching your hands?"

Leaning down, he brings Spencer's hand to his lips and kisses his knuckles softly. Then he runs his hand up Spencer's arm again, his touch feather light, small kisses following in the wake of his touch.

"There is so much strength in you. More than you realize." The touch moves to his neck and down his chest. "You're so thin, almost fragile looking. But I've seen the power you keep in check. I used to worry I'd break you. Now I know I never could."

Slowly, keeping his eyes locked with Spencer's, Morgan slides down Reid's boxers, tossing them on the floor. His own join them a few seconds later. Tentatively, keeping an eye on his partner, Morgan runs a finger up the length of Spencer's cock, smiling when Reid arches and moans softly in pleasure.

"You won't break me. I promise," Spencer says, his voice laced with tears, though not of sorrow.

Morgan feels something being pressed into his hand, and looks down to see a small bottle of lube. He gives Spencer a long searching look.

"Are you sure?" he asks, worry in his voice despite how well the younger man seems to be doing.

Spencer nods in reply, unable to form the necessary words. He knows now, beyond a doubt, that Morgan loves him. For exactly who he is, damage and all. And he wants to feel more of that love.

Derek slicks his fingers quickly and slides a single finger down until he reaches the tiny whorl of flesh he's looking for. Reid tenses for a brief second as he feel the finger slide into him, but relaxes quickly, reminding himself that he's safe. Morgan won't hurt him.

The finger slowly thrusts in and out, coating him with slick. He grips the sheets as a small sliver of pain goes through him when Derek adds the second finger, but it fades quickly, the pleasure inside him mounting with each movement.

"Please," Spencer pleads, unable to stand the waiting, though he's grateful to Morgan for being so slow and patient.

Taking him at his word, Morgan slicks his own erection and lines himself up, slowly pushing forward. The pace is excruciating, and Spencer feels like he's going to burst if Derek doesn't start going faster. He feels deliciously full, and the pain of being ripped apart isn't there, like he'd feared it would be.

Once he's fully seated, Derek pauses for a moment to let Spencer adjust to the feeling. When Spencer lifts his hips in a silent plea for Morgan to get on with it, he pulls out ever so slightly before pushing in again. He keeps up the slow, agonizing pace, watching for signs of discomfort, but there are none. Knowing he won't last long, he wraps a slicked hand around Spencer's weeping erection, keeping his pace just as slow as his thrusts.

Spencer goes over first, bringing Morgan with him as he tightens around him. Reid arches back in a silent scream, and Derek groans quietly as they finish. It takes them both a moment to catch their breath, then Morgan lays down next to Spencer, who takes a tissue from the side of the bed and cleans them both up, before letting himself be pulled into the warmth and safety of Morgan's arms.

They lay there for a long time, simply enjoying each other's closeness. Then Reid raises his head and looks at Morgan.

"Thank you. I don't have words."

"No need for thanks, kid. I enjoyed it just as much as you did. But you're welcome. I love you."

Sometime later, after they've showered and are sitting at the kitchen table, Morgan smirks at Spencer.

"So... what are we going to tell the team?"

***

Rossi, Prentiss, JJ, and Garcia stand in the bullpen, looking up at Hotch's closed office door. Spencer and Morgan had come back to work, both looking much better than expected, and had gone to Hotch's office as soon as they'd arrived.

"You don't think Reid's gonna quit do you?" Garcia asks worriedly.

"I don't think so. He's not the type to give up like that," Emily assures her.

"They're probably just going through a recovery plan with Aaron. Making sure the team is on the same page," Rossi offers.

The door opens suddenly, and Morgan and Reid come out, Hotch following right behind them. They walk down to the group, and look at each person in turn. Then Morgan grabs Reid and kisses him soundly, shocking the entire team. When they pull away from each other, Morgan looks at everyone with a slight smirk on his lips.

"Any problems?" he asks, eyes flitting between his teammates.

They all shake their heads, smiling.

"It's about damn time!" Emily says, clapping a hand on Reid's shoulder.

"Congratulations," JJ and Rossi smile at them simultaneously.

Once everyone has had a chance to give them a brief hug or words of celebration, the team turns back to their work, happy for their friends, and each other.

 

_"There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." - Friedrich Nietzsche_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone brought to my attention that there were no condoms used in this story. I wasn't sure how to deal with an STD test, given Reid's private nature. So I didn't add it in.
> 
> Practice safe sex people. This is a fictional universe, and a work of fiction inside that universe. The real world is different. Be safe.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading the first chapter! If you enjoyed it, leave me a comment!
> 
> A/N: Spencer's statistics about the religious affiliations of congress are based on 2015 statistics. The comments about Christianity and views on sexuality are in no way meant to imply that all Christians are homophobes or to condemn Christianity or anything of the sort. Nor was my choice of Hoover, AL meant to mean that the people there are violent homophobes. My mom is from there. I simply chose a real world place in accordance with how it's done on the show.


End file.
